Food for thought

1.Congress spokesperson: GOI has appointed Viral Acharya as RBI Deputy Governor. He obtained 5th rank in IIT JEE in  1991. Why did GOI ignore the first four? Another case of unexplained supersession!

2. Nobel prize committee has received the nomination of Jayalalithaa for the Peace Prize. But there is a technical hitch. How can they overlook the claim of Chinnamma?

Jairam Ramesh's discovery

Sometimes some qualities of a leader are so tactfully hidden from the hoi polloi that only some confidantes are privy to those extraordinary attributes. Jairam Ramesh wants us to believe (we do not know whether he believes) that Rahul Gandhi is a conceptual thinker.

“Mr. Gandhi’s style is different than Mr. Modi. He is low key...his style is more conceptual. Do not mistake his low key as reluctant style. He is doing things on ground,” Mr. Ramesh said.

Does the emperor have clothes? The most dismal truth about the Congress party is that everyone in this party feels obligated to make sycophantic prattles now and then. In the process these Congressmen denigrate the party more than the opposition can ever do.

In case the Congress party loses the impending elections, the ministers can only blame themselves for coming up with atrocious remarks that insult the intelligence of the aam aadmi. BJP which is a house divided against itself is only hoping that the public will continue to be entertained and nauseated by such puerile untruths.

Hung parliament?

CNN-IBN-Hindu polls indicate that elections if held now will throw up a hung parliament. Some concerned citizens hope that instead of parliament, parliamentarians should be hung! Such is the quality of politicians in the country now.

Joke of the year

According to media reports, CBI has asserted in the Supreme Court that the Union Government cannot give instructions to it on what it should probe ! "The CBI is an autonomous body and we don't take instructions from anyone." Who said the CBI does not have a sense of humour?

PM's conversation with Soniaji

The prime minister, Manmohan Singh had left the country for the United Nations when the political bomb blast occurred in India. A note placed by the Finance Ministry to the prime minister sometime in March 2011 emerged in the public domain through an RTI application and immediately created a furore among the impotent cognoscenti.

The note informed the prime minister that the then Finance Minister, P.Chidambaram could have prevented the 2-G scam. The note was prepared when Pranabda had become the Finance Minister. The war between PC and Pranabda (P vs P) was once again out in the open. PC is alleged to have spied Pranabda's activities not long ago.

Manmohan Singh had reached Frankfurt on his way to New York when he emboldened himself to call Sonia Gandhi to take directions from her on how to handle the developing crisis. The text of the conversation was made available under the Right to Disinformation Act.

"M: Madam, I am speaking from Frankfurt. I request you---  you--- you to please guide me what to say regarding the March note-----
S: This is what I don't like, why should you be frank ? Don't you want to continue in politics?


M: (Apologetically) I am sorry. Please guide me. Do I have your permission to observe omerta if the media wants my reaction to the note?
S: I know you will never grow up. Why are you exposing the Italian connection so amateurishly? If you don't know how to respond expediently, claim that you are observing mauna vratha. Better still, go on a fast against ---- ---.


M: Oh, madam, you know doctors have advised me against any kind of fast.
S: This is the problem with innocents like you. Don'y you know that you can claim to be on fast even though you may have normal food in private. Do you want me to teach you political dharma? There should be no connection between private practice and public pronouncements.


M: Madam, I now under--under--understand. I will sidetrack media's attention from the note.
S: Don't do anything stupid. You better leave it to professionals like Kapil Sibal and Manish Tewari. They know what to say. They will convince the media, "What note? Where is the note? It is all in the evil mind of the opposition. Anyway, PC was never the Finance Minister. There was zero-loss in 2-G allocation. Do you want somebody to prevent zero-loss? What nonsense are you talking? Do you understand?" The media will then realise their folly. Don't worry. If Kapil and Manish fail to convince the people, Digvijay Singh is always there with his foot permanently in the mouth. He is also  endowed with 20-20 vision. He can see the hand of RSS everywhere.


M: Madam, what do I do if--if--if Supreme Swami   ---
S: I know you are as usual confused. You are mixing up Supreme Court and Subramaniam Swami.


M: Madam, yes you are right. What do I do if --if--Subramaniam Court---
S: It is the job of Attorney General to defend you from the hostile Supreme Court. If he does not do that, sack him and find another. If he cannot defend the unlawful, what is he for?


M: Madam, do I have your permission to speak to Pranab and PC?
S: Understand one thing clearly. PC is more reliable and capable. Don't you remember he could make unfair gains even from Fairgrowth Financial Services Ltd. promoted by Ratnakar? You cannot trust Pranabda. He is guilty of occasional spasms of honesty.

M: One last advice from you , madam. The note was received in my secretariat only in the month of March. I have not yet seen it. Should I now have a look at it?
S: I am happy I made you the prime minister. As long as you do not notice what is happening around you, you have my assurance that I will not sack you.

M: Oh, no ! I have misplaced the papers containing the speech I have to make in the UN.
S: Don't panic, Manmohanji. You get a copy from the Italian prime minister. If he is not to be found as is likely, get hold of somebody else's address and start reading it. Try to learn from your colleague, S M Krishna. Good Luck."

Needless to say, Manmohanji was feeling relieved.

Pranabda's black humour on black money

The income tax department raised a tax demand of Rs.71846 crore (nearly US $ 15 billion) on the Pune-based businessman, Hasan Ali  in December 2008. This VVIP is under the scanner of Mumbai Police, IT department, SEBI, RBI, Ministry of External Affairs and Enforcement Directorate from the year 2008. He is believed to have huge deposits in German and Swiss banks. Unsurprisingly he is treated with kid gloves by our government.

A PTI report datelined New Delhi (25th January) quotes the Union Finance Minister  saying in a press conference, "One account (of Hasan Ali) where $ 60000 was deposited, and next day the amount was withdrawn. There was no trace of that." What a profound information ! GOI is tracing (that too unsuccessfully) the trail of $ 60000 in an account of a multi-billionairre. I am sure that GOI will be bold enough to fine Hasan Ali for a petty traffic offence and then claim that law will take its own course.

Sonia willing, Pranab Mukherjee will be our next prime minister. He is not wasting any opportunity to prove that he will be a worthy successor to Manmohan Singh.

Speed of insolvency proceedings

Snails move faster than insolvency proceedings in India. Having witnessed with horror the tortuous and labyrinthine course of BIFR hearings in our country, I was amazed to come across the following statement in the examiner's report on Lehman Brothers:

"Lehman could be found to have been insolvent AS FAR BACK AS Sept 2, 2008 even though it did not file for bankruptcy until Sept 15." A two week delay is reported as a misdemeanour !

I am tempted to believe that Indians and Americans live in different timeframes. According to Hindu mythology, six terrestrial months constitute a day and six earthly months constitute a night in heaven / hell. Perhaps one American year is equivalent to a day in India.

Sequel to IC 884

Remember IC 884 the Airbus 320 flight from Sharjah to Delhi creating history by pioneering in-flight scuffle among the crew (Blog dt.Oct.4) ? Now there is an interesting sequel to this show of irresponsibility by air crew.
Again this is an Airbus 320. The flight is again a double octave : it is numbered 188 (Northwest flight). On October 23, the flight took off from San Diego and overshot the destination, Minneapolis - St.Paul by 240 km before air traffic control succeeded in reminding the pilot about the destination. The pilots have pleaded that they were seriously discussing the airline policy and overlooked where to land. Cool. Another report says that the pilots were working on their PCs and therefore overlooked their descent duties. Northwest Airlines had not prohibited use of PC by pilots, unlike Delta.
The pilots are from Northwest which was taken over by Delta last year. Air India also recently saw the merger of Indian Airlines with itself. Are the flight crew suffering from post-merger syndrome that distracts them from their duty while on air? Is Airbus 320 equipped with a distractor that enables the pilots to unwind during crucial times?

Air India's novel in-flight entertainment

100-odd passengers of IC 884 , Air India's Sharjah - Lucknow -Delhi flight were treated to a special entertainment yesterday when the flight was in Pakistan air space. Pilots and steward(ess) exchanged blows in front of all passengers. Passengers were unnecessarily startled sivce they did not realise that it was a new marketing ploy of Air India. Unexpected entertainment is more entertaining than scheduled ones.
Reasons for the slugfest ('scuffle' according to Air India) are too crass to be mentioned here. When this unprecedented entertainment was on, the cockpit remained unmanned ! Aviation experts say that the air travel was least risky during the time the cockpit was not manned.
The pilot had threatened to land in Pakistan. This threat brought the entertainment to an abrupt end. Had the aircraft landed in Pakistan, the co-pilot would have been subjected to Sharia jurisprudence and would have been castrated straightaway.
P.S.: The fare for IC 884 is being doubled forthwith.

Air India's global search for COO

Air India (NACIL) has released a recruitment ad in The Economist dt.19th Sept for COO. This is perhaps the first time that an Indian public sector unit is casting its net worldwide. Coming so soon after the Finance Minister's fiat to travel cattle class, it is easy to guess the eligibility criteria 1) Cowherds and shepherds are encouraged to apply. 2) Inability to tweet is a prerequisite. 3) Posting is initially for 3 years. Extension may be considered subject to continued inability to tweet and Air India's negative networth. 4) Acquaintance with English is preferable. However, capacity to distinguish between right and left is essential.(Last year, a foreign pilot landed an aircraft at Tambaram instead of Chennai since he mistook directional guidance of control staff.) 5)Applicant is expected to have fire in the belly.If necessary, the applicant should be capable of transferring fire from the engine to one's belly.(Recently, an Air India Airbus had to abort takeoff when fire in the engine was noticed inadvertently! ) Is there a proposal to rechristen Air India subsequent to 'cattle class' solidarity? Yes. The names under consideration are Air Krishna and Air Jesus in solidarity with holy cows and disciplined sheep. To avoid a blatant blot on secularism, Air Chrishna is a more likely choice.____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __